When it comes to getting to the root of relationship drama, there are just 3 Core Areas most couples will fail.
Now I know you're probably thinking, How can it be that simple? How can just 3 problematic areas be the cause of so much pain and stress?
Well tonight, I'm going to tell you. And after reading this insight, you will be able to track 99% if not all of your relationship problems to one or more of the 3 areas that we will cover today. Are you ready?
Now I know you're probably thinking, How can it be that simple? How can just 3 problematic areas be the cause of so much pain and stress?
Well tonight, I'm going to tell you. And after reading this insight, you will be able to track 99% if not all of your relationship problems to one or more of the 3 areas that we will cover today. Are you ready?
Number One - Communciation
Now if you've been reading BYT for any length of time, you will notice that I tend to linger on the topic of communication more often than not.
The reason I focus on this area so much is because I know the value of what good solid communication can do for a relationship. I also know how destructive a relationship lacking healthy communication can crumble to the ground.
When a relationship begins, it starts with communication. The social exchange may be as subtle as a curious glance across the room or even as direct as a "Hello, how are you".
There are so many facets of communication that I could spend weeks talking about each one in depth, but tonight, I just want to make you aware. I want you to know just how important good communication is.
Allow me to show you some examples of drama in relationships stemming from poor communication or lack thereof:
The reason I focus on this area so much is because I know the value of what good solid communication can do for a relationship. I also know how destructive a relationship lacking healthy communication can crumble to the ground.
When a relationship begins, it starts with communication. The social exchange may be as subtle as a curious glance across the room or even as direct as a "Hello, how are you".
There are so many facets of communication that I could spend weeks talking about each one in depth, but tonight, I just want to make you aware. I want you to know just how important good communication is.
Allow me to show you some examples of drama in relationships stemming from poor communication or lack thereof:
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Now, I don't know if you noticed, but what you can see in that short list is a combination of verbal and nonverbal communication occurring between a couple.
You see it's not always what we say or don't say, but how we say or don't say what we communicate to each other.
Think about it. How many arguments have you went through over something that was taken out of context or just said to cause hurt? How many times has your boyfriend's displays of aggression such as slamming doors made you feel uneasy?
Whether you know it or not, we send out social cues all of the time. And it's our interpretations of the cues we receive that cause us to respond or react in a certain way.
With that said, a happy and healthy relationship will have clear communication that strengthens the understanding between two people.
You see it's not always what we say or don't say, but how we say or don't say what we communicate to each other.
Think about it. How many arguments have you went through over something that was taken out of context or just said to cause hurt? How many times has your boyfriend's displays of aggression such as slamming doors made you feel uneasy?
Whether you know it or not, we send out social cues all of the time. And it's our interpretations of the cues we receive that cause us to respond or react in a certain way.
With that said, a happy and healthy relationship will have clear communication that strengthens the understanding between two people.
Number Two - Trust
Trust in a relationship is like the bridge between two cliffs. It's what keeps people together after they have developed an understanding of each other's expectations.
Trust is not something that one can choose to turn off or on, trust is something that must be built over time through consistency.
There are many ways in which drama related to trust can appear in a relationship. Look at the list below and see how lack of trust or broken trust has played a part in any of your relationships.
Trust is not something that one can choose to turn off or on, trust is something that must be built over time through consistency.
There are many ways in which drama related to trust can appear in a relationship. Look at the list below and see how lack of trust or broken trust has played a part in any of your relationships.
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Are you starting to see how most of the drama we have ever encountered in our relationships centers around trust and communication?
Do you see how a boyfriend cheating on his girlfriend breaks the trust? Do you see how texting someone every 5 minutes shows a lack of trust? Is it clear that a boyfriend may not tell his girlfriend anything about his family because he doesn't trust her..yet?
Trust is nothing to be taken lightly, nor are the other two areas you will read about above and below.
Now as we transition to the last of the 3 Core Areas, you will see how everything ties together.
Do you see how a boyfriend cheating on his girlfriend breaks the trust? Do you see how texting someone every 5 minutes shows a lack of trust? Is it clear that a boyfriend may not tell his girlfriend anything about his family because he doesn't trust her..yet?
Trust is nothing to be taken lightly, nor are the other two areas you will read about above and below.
Now as we transition to the last of the 3 Core Areas, you will see how everything ties together.
Number Three - Consistency
Does you know where consistency fits into this picture?
Do you know just how powerful it can be to consistently maintain a series of actions or thoughts in a relationship?
The importance of consistency is that the act of being consistent builds trust and reinforces expectations of two individuals within a relationship.
Example 1: Sam always listens to his girlfriend's meanderings about cross-fit. Every time she comes home from the gym, she showers and cuddles up to Sam on the couch. Sam picks a cheesy movie on Netflix and heats up leftovers for dinner. Sam has consistently done this for the last 3 months to the point that his girlfriend knows every Tuesday after her workout she will sit with Sam.
Example 2: Sarah always has sex with her boyfriend every time she comes home from a long trip. She always calls when she's just about an hour from the house to let her boyfriend know that she's almost home. Her boyfriend takes a shower, shaves his beard and orders Chinese food. Sarah comes home, drops her bag and lays a big phat kiss on her boyfriend. Sarah has consistently been having sex with her boyfriend two times a month since her job requires her to travel abroad.
Now can you guess what happens when someone in the examples breaks the expectation and goes against the grain?
If you guessed drama, you are several steps ahead of the rest in obtaining and maintaining a happier relationship.
The reason a sudden shift or lack of inconsistency in a relationship can cause problems is because now the other person doesn't what the hell is going on..lol
For weeks, months or even years, Sam has always taken the time to sit and listen to his girlfriend's rants about cross-fit, but now he doesn't have time. Is Sam suddenly so busy that he no longer has time for his girlfriend? Is he preoccupied with someone else? Why is Sam not listening to her anymore?
Now, you can imagine that his girlfriend will have some questions about his sudden change in behavior and you do realize that she will have to communicate her concern. But the question is, Does Sam trust her enough to tell her what's really going on?
Look at the second example. What do you suppose would happen if Sarah came home after a long trip and decided she wasn't going to have sex this time. How do you think her boyfriend would react?
What kinds of thoughts do you think he would have around the fact that "out of nowhere" she doesn't want to have sex. Do you think he might think she's sleeping around? Do you think he'll be a little insecure about the relationship?
This is where trust and good communication can come into play and save the day.
Sarah can confidently tell her boyfriend that she is exhausted from her long trip and her boyfriend will trust that she is telling the truth. The consistency in their solid communication and level of trust built up over time will afford them a slight shift without breaking the camel's back.
Do you know just how powerful it can be to consistently maintain a series of actions or thoughts in a relationship?
The importance of consistency is that the act of being consistent builds trust and reinforces expectations of two individuals within a relationship.
Example 1: Sam always listens to his girlfriend's meanderings about cross-fit. Every time she comes home from the gym, she showers and cuddles up to Sam on the couch. Sam picks a cheesy movie on Netflix and heats up leftovers for dinner. Sam has consistently done this for the last 3 months to the point that his girlfriend knows every Tuesday after her workout she will sit with Sam.
Example 2: Sarah always has sex with her boyfriend every time she comes home from a long trip. She always calls when she's just about an hour from the house to let her boyfriend know that she's almost home. Her boyfriend takes a shower, shaves his beard and orders Chinese food. Sarah comes home, drops her bag and lays a big phat kiss on her boyfriend. Sarah has consistently been having sex with her boyfriend two times a month since her job requires her to travel abroad.
Now can you guess what happens when someone in the examples breaks the expectation and goes against the grain?
If you guessed drama, you are several steps ahead of the rest in obtaining and maintaining a happier relationship.
The reason a sudden shift or lack of inconsistency in a relationship can cause problems is because now the other person doesn't what the hell is going on..lol
For weeks, months or even years, Sam has always taken the time to sit and listen to his girlfriend's rants about cross-fit, but now he doesn't have time. Is Sam suddenly so busy that he no longer has time for his girlfriend? Is he preoccupied with someone else? Why is Sam not listening to her anymore?
Now, you can imagine that his girlfriend will have some questions about his sudden change in behavior and you do realize that she will have to communicate her concern. But the question is, Does Sam trust her enough to tell her what's really going on?
Look at the second example. What do you suppose would happen if Sarah came home after a long trip and decided she wasn't going to have sex this time. How do you think her boyfriend would react?
What kinds of thoughts do you think he would have around the fact that "out of nowhere" she doesn't want to have sex. Do you think he might think she's sleeping around? Do you think he'll be a little insecure about the relationship?
This is where trust and good communication can come into play and save the day.
Sarah can confidently tell her boyfriend that she is exhausted from her long trip and her boyfriend will trust that she is telling the truth. The consistency in their solid communication and level of trust built up over time will afford them a slight shift without breaking the camel's back.
Now, I have a question for you..
Which of these 3 Core Areas do most of your relationship problems lie? Trust? Communication? or Consistency? Let me know in the comment box below.
Thanks For Reading
-Jamaal(LoverOfLife)
Thanks For Reading
-Jamaal(LoverOfLife)
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