If there's one thing we know about relationships it's that your buttons will be pushed. Hell, they may even be jammed, popped out and split in two..lol But the one thing that makes the biggest difference when we feel anger in relationships is how we deal with it.
Sure you could just ram his head through the wall or cuss him out like a sailor in the middle of the street, but what's that going to solve? Is potentially facing jail or losing your voice worth the negative impact on your life? Probably not.
That's why in tonight's relationship insight, I'm going to talk about a few negative ways people try to deal with anger in their relationships and then provide some effective alternatives. You ready?
Sure you could just ram his head through the wall or cuss him out like a sailor in the middle of the street, but what's that going to solve? Is potentially facing jail or losing your voice worth the negative impact on your life? Probably not.
That's why in tonight's relationship insight, I'm going to talk about a few negative ways people try to deal with anger in their relationships and then provide some effective alternatives. You ready?
Staying Quiet
"If I just don't talk about it, it will go away"
One of the worst ways we can mange anger is to remain quiet. You know holding it in. Stuffing all of your emotions into a little black box that will remain sealed for all eternity.
Now I see where one might think this makes since, but let me assure you that eventually your box will become too much of a burden to bear.
When we hold things in, it not only frustrates us and our partners, it can lead to depression. It can take us to the darkest regions of our minds where negativity festers and dominates our entire relationship.
Everything can begin to become a shadow looming overhead threatening to snipe us at any minute. This is not something anyone wants in a relationship or even there own personal life.
So what do we do? Well, we talk about the things that are troubling us. We talk about those difficult issues that keep us tossing and turning at night. We open up the lines of communication and share our feelings.
Now there are several ways to do this, but here are two to get you started:
Now I see where one might think this makes since, but let me assure you that eventually your box will become too much of a burden to bear.
When we hold things in, it not only frustrates us and our partners, it can lead to depression. It can take us to the darkest regions of our minds where negativity festers and dominates our entire relationship.
Everything can begin to become a shadow looming overhead threatening to snipe us at any minute. This is not something anyone wants in a relationship or even there own personal life.
So what do we do? Well, we talk about the things that are troubling us. We talk about those difficult issues that keep us tossing and turning at night. We open up the lines of communication and share our feelings.
Now there are several ways to do this, but here are two to get you started:
- Use “I” statements – "Babe, I am upset with the way I was treated last night". "I feel unloved, angry and alone". (When you use "I" statements such as "I feel unloved" you are making him aware of the issue which often prompts questions like - What did I do? or What's wrong?. Now you lay it out..in a calm tone of voice.
- Write a letter – Writing a letter will not only give you a chance to voice your concerns in full without interruption, but it can also help you clearly define what your troubles are.
Self-Destruction
"I don't want to think about anything right now"
Now even though getting high or overeating might seem like a good way to deal with your anger, how will it help you solve the problem?
How can getting wasted to the point that you can't even think clearly help you maintain your sanity in the relationship?
The answer is it won't and it's the quickest way to take your current issue from bad to worse.
When we self-destruct during times of anger it not only increases mental anguish, but can also damage physical stability.
Because now instead of just being pissed off your boyfriend didn't come home, you've got to deal with a killer hangover or 15 pounds of chocolate gut.
Taking anger out on yourself is not the way to solve anything, it will only bring you more stress in the long run.
If you're someone who likes to implode when angry try doing this instead:
One more thing on this one, If you've done all these things and there is no change, you may want to rethink this particular relationship.
How can getting wasted to the point that you can't even think clearly help you maintain your sanity in the relationship?
The answer is it won't and it's the quickest way to take your current issue from bad to worse.
When we self-destruct during times of anger it not only increases mental anguish, but can also damage physical stability.
Because now instead of just being pissed off your boyfriend didn't come home, you've got to deal with a killer hangover or 15 pounds of chocolate gut.
Taking anger out on yourself is not the way to solve anything, it will only bring you more stress in the long run.
If you're someone who likes to implode when angry try doing this instead:
- Talk to your boyfriend or girlfriend about what has made you upset.
- Communicate how hurt or sad you are about the situation
- Discuss how you have tried or are trying to cope with the situation
- Understand that if you continue to self-destruct you may not have to worry about the relationship or anything else..at all.
One more thing on this one, If you've done all these things and there is no change, you may want to rethink this particular relationship.
Cheating On Him
"I can't believe he cheated on me"
“Oh he wants to sleep with that skank and not think I'm going to find out? Well, I'll show him!”
Two wrongs don't make a right and putting yourself at risk for something much worse is not worth the trouble.
It would definitely suck to go from “My boyfriend cheated” to “I just caught herpes from the guy I slept with to get back at my boyfriend”. Wouldn't it?
So he messed up and cheated, you're hurt that's understood, but sleeping with someone else is not the answer.
A healthier more rational response to the situation would be to ask yourself 3 Questions.
If you are honest with yourself when answering those questions, you'll know the right thing to do
Two wrongs don't make a right and putting yourself at risk for something much worse is not worth the trouble.
It would definitely suck to go from “My boyfriend cheated” to “I just caught herpes from the guy I slept with to get back at my boyfriend”. Wouldn't it?
So he messed up and cheated, you're hurt that's understood, but sleeping with someone else is not the answer.
A healthier more rational response to the situation would be to ask yourself 3 Questions.
- Is this something I can face remembering every time we have sex?
- Being that I can't trust him anymore, is this relationship something I want to continue giving minutes of my life to?
- What have I to gain from a relationship that has caused me so much pain?
If you are honest with yourself when answering those questions, you'll know the right thing to do
And That's Just 3...
Now I could honestly sit here all night and walk-through more examples, but I want to know how you deal with the anger in your relationships? Do you have some not-so healthy ways you've tried deal with your feelings? Maybe you have some good tips that you would like to share with others who may be feeling anger in their relationship?
Your thoughts and opinions are always welcome ^_^
Thanks 4 Reading
-Jamaal(LoverOfLife)
If you found this insight to be useful and would like to stay current on what we discuss here at BYT, sign up for the weekly newsletter. In the newsletter, you receive weekly communications from me, along with additional information related to each week's post. You can sign up -->here<---
Your thoughts and opinions are always welcome ^_^
Thanks 4 Reading
-Jamaal(LoverOfLife)
If you found this insight to be useful and would like to stay current on what we discuss here at BYT, sign up for the weekly newsletter. In the newsletter, you receive weekly communications from me, along with additional information related to each week's post. You can sign up -->here<---
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