Have you ever been in a relationship with someone that you truly loved, but found it hard to connect? Like it felt impossible for you to take your relationship any further than movie night with a side of Kung Pao Chicken..lol
Hopefully it hasn't been that hard for you, but for some people it has and it's not because the chemistry wasn't in the relationship. It's because they had an emotional wall preventing them from truly connecting with that special person.
As we experience emotional distress in both good and bad relationships we tend to protect ourselves by creating barriers. These barriers aim to keep us emotionally intact, but at the same time they limit our ability to fully enjoy the relationships we are in.
Sound like something you've experienced in your relationships? If it does, you should read this!
Hopefully it hasn't been that hard for you, but for some people it has and it's not because the chemistry wasn't in the relationship. It's because they had an emotional wall preventing them from truly connecting with that special person.
As we experience emotional distress in both good and bad relationships we tend to protect ourselves by creating barriers. These barriers aim to keep us emotionally intact, but at the same time they limit our ability to fully enjoy the relationships we are in.
Sound like something you've experienced in your relationships? If it does, you should read this!
What Exactly Is An Emotional Wall?
An emotional wall or barrier is something that develops over time through a series of repeated experiences or one significant event. For an example, think of being in a relationship with multiple people who have cheated on you or being with one man that just totally crushed you.
As someone experiences such a negative event they vow to never let themselves get hurt again, either consciously or subconsciously and a wall is built.
The wall serves it's purpose..for a while providing a safe refuge for the emotionalyl distressed to heal while still maintaining some semblance of a "love life'. But the problem occurs when the person no longer wants to hide behind their emotional wall of protection and tries to get closer to someone new.
Which leads us to..
As someone experiences such a negative event they vow to never let themselves get hurt again, either consciously or subconsciously and a wall is built.
The wall serves it's purpose..for a while providing a safe refuge for the emotionalyl distressed to heal while still maintaining some semblance of a "love life'. But the problem occurs when the person no longer wants to hide behind their emotional wall of protection and tries to get closer to someone new.
Which leads us to..
How The Emotional Wall Negatively Impacts A Relationship
The presence of an emotional wall can be felt in a variety of ways. The main ones presenting when it comes to intimacy and deep connection.
You may have noticed this already, but for some women(in the bedroom) if they are not emotionally connected to their partner it can be very difficult to achieve a natural orgasm. While for others, they find it extremely difficult to express their true feelings..about anything.
They may love the guy, but they can never tell him for fear of being hurt..again. And of course there are other ways emotional walls negatively impact relationships which I shall list for you below.
You may have noticed this already, but for some women(in the bedroom) if they are not emotionally connected to their partner it can be very difficult to achieve a natural orgasm. While for others, they find it extremely difficult to express their true feelings..about anything.
They may love the guy, but they can never tell him for fear of being hurt..again. And of course there are other ways emotional walls negatively impact relationships which I shall list for you below.
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Now of course this isn't the only way an emotional wall can be noticed but these are a few of the most common. Fortunately, for you now, I will share a few ways to begin breaking those walls down.
How To TearDown The Walls Hurting Your Relationship
Number 1 - Allow Yourself To Be Vulnerable
I realize this is easier said then done, but if you want to truly win at love or just at least have a closer connection with someone, you have to be willing to be hurt again.
And no I'm not talking about throwing yourself in front of a moving train, I'm talking about opening the window to let the idea of fully caring about someone shine through. Simply entertaining the idea, that you may be on the edge of something great that is just waiting for you to take a chance.
Number 2 - Learn How To Trust Again
If someone's been repeatedly treated like dog food or wronged in someway, they can totally banish the idea of ever letting anyone close again. Just the mere thought of letting someone into their thoughts or even close to their body can be a complete nightmare.
But as we all know, if anyone wants to truly stand a chance at having a fulfilling relationship, you need trust. Trust is the glue of a healthy relationship. Trust is what lets you sleep at night. Trust is what allows you to truly connect and share what's important to you with someone else.
Trusting someone after being hurt can take time, but it's worth the effort.
Now remember, you can always start small. For example, give him a small opportunity to hold something private of yours and return it on a certain time "undamaged". If he can accomplish this, then allow him to progress to bigger things and eventually..your heart.
Number 3 - Talk About Your Feelings
Relationships are all about the giving and sharing of ideas, feelings and concerns. If we aren't talking, we aren't going to build anything but a headache. Have you ever tried to have a relationship that lived solely on sex?
If you have you would have realized that those only last for so long without talking because after all, you can't have sex all the time. There has to be something connecting you during the "in between" time.
To begin talking about your feelings, it can be as simple as talking about your day at work. Now I'm not talking about the surface level reports or the ol' "My boss is a jerk". I'm talking about your emotional self throughout the day.
How you felt when the boss yelled at your co-worker or how Amy pissed you off bragging about her new car. You know those things that a lot of people avoid talking about so they don't seem..normal.
Once you begin to become comfortable talking about how you felt at work, maybe then you'll be ready to tell him how you feel about your relationship. It's just an idea ^_^
I realize this is easier said then done, but if you want to truly win at love or just at least have a closer connection with someone, you have to be willing to be hurt again.
And no I'm not talking about throwing yourself in front of a moving train, I'm talking about opening the window to let the idea of fully caring about someone shine through. Simply entertaining the idea, that you may be on the edge of something great that is just waiting for you to take a chance.
Number 2 - Learn How To Trust Again
If someone's been repeatedly treated like dog food or wronged in someway, they can totally banish the idea of ever letting anyone close again. Just the mere thought of letting someone into their thoughts or even close to their body can be a complete nightmare.
But as we all know, if anyone wants to truly stand a chance at having a fulfilling relationship, you need trust. Trust is the glue of a healthy relationship. Trust is what lets you sleep at night. Trust is what allows you to truly connect and share what's important to you with someone else.
Trusting someone after being hurt can take time, but it's worth the effort.
Now remember, you can always start small. For example, give him a small opportunity to hold something private of yours and return it on a certain time "undamaged". If he can accomplish this, then allow him to progress to bigger things and eventually..your heart.
Number 3 - Talk About Your Feelings
Relationships are all about the giving and sharing of ideas, feelings and concerns. If we aren't talking, we aren't going to build anything but a headache. Have you ever tried to have a relationship that lived solely on sex?
If you have you would have realized that those only last for so long without talking because after all, you can't have sex all the time. There has to be something connecting you during the "in between" time.
To begin talking about your feelings, it can be as simple as talking about your day at work. Now I'm not talking about the surface level reports or the ol' "My boss is a jerk". I'm talking about your emotional self throughout the day.
How you felt when the boss yelled at your co-worker or how Amy pissed you off bragging about her new car. You know those things that a lot of people avoid talking about so they don't seem..normal.
Once you begin to become comfortable talking about how you felt at work, maybe then you'll be ready to tell him how you feel about your relationship. It's just an idea ^_^
Now, How Have Emotional Walls Affected Your Relationships?
Have you experienced any of these issues I've talked about today in your relationships? Past or Present? What has been the biggest barrier for you when it comes to getting close to someone?
I'd love to talk about this with you further, either in the comments or you can email me here. Thanks for reading.
If you enjoyed reading this BYT insight, please share it with a friend or just simply let me know in the comments below. Thanks again for reading.
One more thing, if you haven't signed up for the BYT Newsletter, do it now so you can receive the additional insights I provide to people serious about improving the quality of their relationships.
I'd love to talk about this with you further, either in the comments or you can email me here. Thanks for reading.
If you enjoyed reading this BYT insight, please share it with a friend or just simply let me know in the comments below. Thanks again for reading.
One more thing, if you haven't signed up for the BYT Newsletter, do it now so you can receive the additional insights I provide to people serious about improving the quality of their relationships.